Some Thoughts on Manhood, Caring, Responsibilities and Careers
Adjusting to life as a carer after a career - some thoughts.
I’m a 41-year-old man who’s gone from having a career to becoming a carer.
It’s a very hard adjustment. I can say that I am still in the process of realignment in life and identity.
In some respects, I have been a carer for longer than I realised or cared to admit.
Why?
Because saying it out loud would be to bring about the social stigmas of a man who has to care. Even if you are doing it on top of running a business and a busy life, there is something in society that judges a man for being a carer.
I am not talking about paid employment as a carer, I mean caring for sick and ageing relatives or unwell partners.
Many people will judge a man as "less" of a man for doing this type of caring. Or this is how it feels as a man doing this anyhow.
It feels like modern society sees men only as economic production units and women should have the entire responsibility for emotional, home and care labour.
This social norm is changing with the millennial generation, however, the world of work is still not at home with this idea. Indeed, as the world of work is all about being a busy economic unit of production this is understandable.
On top of this, there is also something within me that has found it hard to adjust to the concept of being a carer.
Responsibilities are the making of a man.
However, I am a father and I am a carer as well. These dual responsibilities take up much of my time and energy.
To be a man is to be responsible.
Before I took on these dual responsibilities I ran a business and had a career and an education up to masters level. Engaging and pursuing these felt like the responsibilities of a man.
To be a man is to be responsible.
However, looking back, even whilst I might still be struggling with the process of moving from having a career to being a carer, from an identity perspective, I am responsible and I am a man.
A man is responsible for those in his care. At one time that was hunting mammoths, now it's different. Thats progress.
Society needs to catch up that men are not dimensional creatures that are only around to produce economic excess but are there to provide responsible care in all its forms.
Society and the worlds of work and careers need to catch up.